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Coded questions

Since becoming a mum, there are many things that people ask and say to me when they spot me with The Boy. Some are straight forward like ‘is it a boy or a girl?’, or ‘how old is he?’. Others, however, are a little more confusing and are often coded. The two that irritate me endlessly are ‘Is he good’ and ‘Do you feed him yourself’.


Is he good? – Basically this is code for does he sleep through the night or does he cry a lot. The Boy had colic for a few weeks and he cried CONSTANTLY. It wasn’t him being ‘bad’ or naughty – he was telling me the only way he can that he wasn’t happy. Yes it was frustrating, yes it drove me to tears (and multiple trips to the GP) but it doesn’t mean he isn’t good. How can a baby be bad? Is it possible? To be ‘naughty’ requires an element of conscious thought willful bad behavior, I don’t believe that at ten weeks, The Boy is capable of willfully being ‘bad’.


Do you feed him yourself? – this one is code for ‘are you breastfeeding’. What it has to do with anyone is beyond me. I’m half tempted to answer with ‘no – the neighbours come in every few hours with a bottle for him’. Of course I’m feeding him. However if I do that via breastfeeding or bottle feeding is mine (and my husbands) choice. The fact that on an email I got from HIPP organic this week it told me to ‘consider the social consequences’ should I choose to bottle feed my child. Yes, we know that ‘breast is best’ but the decision to formula feed to mine and my husbands to make.


Are there any curious and coded questions you’re asked when strangers see you out and about with your little one? Please do share below if there is!



2 thoughts on “Coded questions

  1. Any question that begins with “have you thought about doing this?” is code for I cut ally in you’re doing a rubbish job and I know better

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